If music be the food of love, play on!

Music. Tell me. What would we do without it? I don´t know about you, but I sure as hell couldn´t live without music. Not just to aid my escapism from reality, but to excite my senses, refresh my memories, and to express myself.

Since I can remember, I have been obsessed with music. From learning to play the piano, to wishing I could sing, music has always been important in my life. And, despite being the only language in the world with the most adjectives, English words fail to describe how I feel when I hear a certain song, or a certain voice. I can hear a song again for the first time in years and instantaneously I will be transported back to that moment when I first heard it, or to the memory I associated with it.

I think I am the only person who could confidently answer the question, "what is your favourite song?". And anyone who knows me, knows that I will say "Clair de Lune" by Debussy. This song just encapsulates what I love about music. It´s beautiful. The way it starts so softly and ends so powerfully just grips me. And it´s pure; free from words. You can just lie there and let it wash over you (and all the subsequent emotions!).

I guess, piano music is my ultimate favourite sound but I do have a bit of my father´s influence of music in me and I love a hard and heavy sound. It´s really cliché to say, but it really does depend on my mood what I like to listen to. I can be my own worst enemy when I´m feeling sad, as I just surround myself with gut wrenching, depressing songs...but I suppose it´s a way of catharsis for me, and my own psychotherapy - which is a lot cheaper too ;)

Oops, danger of getting a bit too deep here... best to get back to enjoying the sound of music... :)

Looking into the mirror

Acceptance... a word with such meaning. Unfortunately it´s something that many of us never achieve. Acceptance of who we are, where we are going, what has happened in our lives. I´ve always said that if only we could have a switch that we could use to turn off our emotions. There have been many times that I wish I could just move on and forget about something...but I know that will never happen... and now I just try to internalise and rationalise that what happens in life, happens, and it is helping to mould me into a stronger and better person.

For the past 2 months I have been taking a really harsh look at myself and my life... The psychologist in me will never keep quiet... and what I have realised is that life is now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. I have spent far too much time looking backwards and then looking forwards... I bypass today. And even though my personal mantra is supposed to be Carpe Diem... I don´t use it! I worry too much... too much about having been hurt, too much about the possibility of being hurt, and always always about what people think.

So, I need to accept myself, and let go of my demons. My mum has always said, my biggest enemy is myself. I have been trapped in the prison of my mind for too long.. I´ve not been enjoying life recently and it´s time I wake up and realise how truly lucky I am. I may not be the prettiest, funniest, smartest girl in the world, but I was given what I was given, and I have to accept it, use it and make the most of life...it could all be over in the blink of an eye.

This has gotta be the good life

So. I was listening to a song this morning by One Republic and the words that caught my attention were "this has gotta be the good life"... and it started me thinking about life in general. Are we born into a blank space and life is what we create, or is life something we are given and we have to learn to live with it? Or a bit of both?

In my class last night, we were talking about happiness in life and it really struck a cord with me. We were talking about a certain psychologist who believes that happiness really is what we make it... and that pleasure and enjoyment are two completely different things. Pleasure can be something simple like eating an ice cream but enjoyment is something you create, something you physically do, like a painting, talking with friends, playing sport. Apparently, you need to have a sense of achievement to be truly happy, and I really like this concept... Because, I know that I can do short term, quick things to "feel happy" like watch my favourite tv programme, or go shopping, but it´s just a rush of happiness...it doesn´t last. Yet, when I am doing something like swimming, not only am I happy in the moment, but afterwards I have a sense of achievement and I have a goal in my head for the next time.

Anyway, the notion of happiness could be debated endlessly and of course, it means different things to different people. I am always reminded of some people, who despite living in adverse situations like poverty are still happy. Sometimes I feel drowned in a materialistic world, where your self worth is measured on a scale of the magnitude of your possessions. There is this unseen pressure to obtain the most expensive and most popular gadgets, a big house, a nice car, to be fashionable... I think it can be too easy to lose sight of the truly important things in life, like family, friendship and self actualisation.

Through all the ups and downs, I know that I will have family and friends that will always be there no matter what... despite the distance from some of my friends, I am comforted in the knowledge that if I needed them, they would be here in a heartbeat... and that, that is a truly wonderful feeling...